The race to the whitehouse with Joe the plumber

Wednesday night our two presidential candidates were supposed to enlighten us one final time. They would explain how each would change the course of American politics. Moreover, they were supposed to stoke the flames of the independent voters and give Americans hope for the future. America listened. America heard one name mentioned repeatedly. Was it George Bush? No. Was it Nancy Pelosi? No. Was it even Sarah Palin? No. It was “Joe the plumber”.

Joe the plumber (Ohio) was the key element in the presidential debate. He may be the most popular repairperson in America. I wonder what he was thinking watching television during the debate. He probably has been fielding phone calls from all of Northwest Ohio seeking his autograph. It was silly to think I would not hear something new and game changing from Obama and McCain. Boy was I wrong, because when I heard Joe’s story it changed my life. It gave me insight into the political system and how it works.

For instance, if I wanted to run for office, I now know how to carry a sophisticated debate on policy. I would mention Joe the plumber! Conversely, I would hope that my opponent would publicly address Joe so we could have an internationally televised, thoughtful, three-way way conference call in front of the American people. When and if the topic changes, it does not matter because I will just cut and paste the “Joe the plumber” story. It’s like when you’re on the computer and you don’t feel like taking the time to type in someone’s email address. Just cut and paste. I think I have it now!

Is Joe the plumber real? I know he is actually a real person but at whose expense? The name Joe and the fact that he is a plumber is too convenient. It 's almost as if he being a plumber, forces the viewers to endow him with a certain caste. Is he overweight and unhappy? He may be now after hearing tonight’s debate. Nonetheless, this debate confirmed that we are in trouble. We have two politicians that would rather massacre a person’s individuality in order to mold him into a political plaything. As if either of them really know this gentleman or know the first thing about plumbing. Joe and I have something in common. We are both affected by the politics of this country, and neither candidate knows who we are.

Cleveland Browns have case of the Mondays!

As I gazed at the television Monday night, I was not sure if I was hallucinating. I asked myself a series of questions to try to grasp some sense of football reality. Was that Jamal Lewis running for eight yards and a first down against the football Giants? Did Braylon Edwards just make a catch? Are the Cleveland Browns on the verge of beating, or should I say pummeling, the (ESPN proclaimed) best team in football? The answer was no, I was not hallucinating and yes the Brownies were playing the sort of football that Clevelanders fell in love with last season.

Besides a number of miscues by the offensive line, the Browns with remarkable play calling by Rob Chudzinski and Mel Tucker were able to put together their best game of the season. This is the sort of game that football fans call a momentum game. The sort of game that we here in Browns town haven’t seen since the classic goal-line stand against the Atlanta Falcons in 2002. The dynamic talents of Jerome Harrison, Josh Cribbs, and the underrated Steve Heiden were finally utilized. The defensive line put pressure on Eli Manning, while the corners had a field day(see Eric Wright’s Neon Deion impression). Anderson was accurate and protected while Jamal tapped danced over and through the egos of the Giant’s defense.

For the fan who gives up his hard-earned money to sit in Cleveland Browns stadium, Monday’s game was everything he or she could have dreamt. I know who Cleveland fans are. They are loyal followers who only expect a few things. They expect their team to execute plays with professionalism and they expect their team to represent the city of Cleveland by playing with heart. Winning is a symptom of these principals. It is precisely these principals that have been missing from the “new” Browns era. Monday’s win was incredibly significant because it gave birth to hope. It also proved the Browns have the type of athletes who can compete with the best in the NFL.

Here are the final questions that I will let the Browns answer. These are the questions, that if you know the recent history of Browns football, you should be asking. Can Romeo and the crew sustain the same effort next week against the Redskins? Will we look like the team we saw on Monday Night? Or, will we revert back to the shadow of the first three games? Let us hope for better days ahead. At least for a Monday Night in Cleveland, Ohio we all saw something that made us dream. I’m am reminded of a quote from the mouth of one Marty Schottenheimer, which if you listen, will ignite flame in your football soul. “There’s a Gleam Men. There’s a Gleam! Let’s get that gleam!”

Kenny Lofton, The Most Cursed Player In Baseball? (An Article for Sport Statistic Junkies)

Chances are, if you lived in Cleveland or have a major league team that plays professional baseball, you've heard of Kenny Lofton. He has played for eleven major league clubs including ten years with the Cleveland Indians. Lofton in his prime was one of the top five leadoff hitters and base stealers in his decade (the 90s). He has a career .300 batting average(.299 let's give him a break)and is also ranked 15th on the all time stolen base list for his career with 622. It's really remarkable, while the Yankees were praised for making 13 straight post season appearances up until this year, it has been Lofton who has played on playoff teams for 11 of the last 13 seasons. In all, he has been to 11 divisional series, 7 championship series, and 2 world series. He has never won a world series ring.

Lofton has never won the "big ring" and has seemed to suffer the most heartbreaking defeats with his respective clubs over the past decade. First, let's track his teams. In order, Lofton has played for 6 playoff bound teams including three stints with the Cleveland Indians. They are: The Cleveland Indians(1995' 96' 98' 99' 01' 07'), Atlanta Braves (1997), SanFransico Giants (2002), Chicago Cubs (2003), New York Yankees (2004), and the Los Angeles Dodgers (2006).

In 1994 Kenny was part of an Indians club that many say would have reached the World Series and most likely won it. Of course, that is the year major league baseball players went on strike. In 1995 he was part of an Indians club that should have crushed the Atlanta Braves in the world series and ended up losing in six games. After his 1996 season with the Indians, who lost to the Baltimore Orioles in the divisional series, Lofton was traded to the Atlanta Braves for Marquis Grissom and David Justice. The Atlanta Braves made it to the National League Championship Series in 1997 only to lose to the Florida Marlins in six games. The same Florida Marlins team that in turn defeated the Indians in seven games during one of the most tragic postseason chokes in Cleveland sports history(it gets better).

The 1997 Allstar game was held in Cleveland and during his introduction Kenny Lofton was greeted with a standing ovation. This obviously had an affect on him as he decided to return with the Indians for a second stint in 1998. Kenny played four more seasons with the Indians (1998-2001) and reached the post season three out of those four years. This included another American League championship defeat to the hated New York Yankees in six games. In 2002 Lofton again played for the National League, with the Barry Bond's led San Fransico Giants. Kenny and San Fran reached a grueling game seven in the World Series only to lose to the Anaheim Angels.

In 2003 the Chicago Cubs entered the post season as one of the National League's hottest teams. The Cubbies reached the NLCS and were in reach of their first world series since 1908! Yet, Cubs fans found out two things that would destroy their world series chances. One, the infamous Steve Bartman, a fan who knocked a foul ball, and a certain out, from the clutches of Moises Alou of the Chicago Cubs. This event changed the course of the series. Two, believe it or not Kenny Lofton was a member of the 2003 Chicago Cubs who went on to choke against the Florida Marlins in the NLCS.

If this wasn't enough the following year, 2004, Lofton played center field for a powerhouse New York Yankees team that went on to win over one hundred games. They met the world series straved Boston Red Sox in the 2004 ALCS and went up three games to none. Lofton and the Yankees then suffered what may be called the biggest playoff collapse in sports history. Losing four games in a row to the hated Red Sox. The Sox went on to win the World Series that year.

We finally return home for the 2007 season. The Cleveland Indians picked up a 40 year old Lofton mid-season from the Texas Rangers. When he joined the Indians Lofton sparked the Tribe's offense. Cleveland won ninety-six games that season as well as battering the Yankees in the ALDS. Cleveland went up three games to one against the Red Sox and in typical fasion lost three straight in the ALCS. Lofton's chances for a World Series ring went up in smoke and Cleveland still hasn't won a World Series since 1948.

I'm not sure, but I don't know of any other player with this much playoff experience and yet so much heartbreak. To be on eleven playoff teams and never win a World Series ring has to be like having a thirst never to be quenched. Good luck Kenny, Cleveland loves you.

To learn more about Kenny Lofton or gain access to any Major Leauge Baseball statistic, Go to http://www.baseballreference.com/

How To Shop Like Buddha

We have all seen them. Whether you do your shopping at Wegmans, Shoprite, Tops, Giant Eagle, Walmart or Whole Foods. It doesn't matter the venue because they're still there. Walking like sad zombies who are lost in a labyrinth of confusion. Some resemble old war vets with one-thousand yard stares that could bore a hole in your soul. They are men. They are men trying to shop. They are men trying to shop with lists written by women.

We live in dangerous times and the sight of a man trying to navigate his way through the frozen food section paints a lame picture. They stand almost drooling, peering at one section of low fat yogurt not knowing what to do. Do they choose the low-fat blueberry? Or the berry delight with mixed peanuts? What can they do? The list doesn't specify which type of legumes should accompany the cool yogurt. You can observe them sweating and realizing that shortly following their mission, they will face certain doom at home.

I have been one of those men. So I have a deep understanding of their pain. All of us men have gone shopping for a female at least once in our lives. It could be your wife, girlfriend, mother, step-mother, aunt, or female guardian. You hear the voice during halftime of the NBA playoffs(or insert critical sporting or entertainment event here). "Honey? Can you go to the store and pick up some things for me?" Oh no! It's over right?

It is a certain truth that as a male, you will miss or forget at least one item that is either on or off the list given to you. It is just a fact. It could be yogurt or a specific brand of bacon bits that are supposed to be on sale. Men have been going to grocery stores for years and have failed miserably. Even if all the right questions about the list are asked before the journey, we are somehow forced to play jazz and improvise at least once or twice on critical "list items". We go home knowing we didn't get the right dog food, or gravy mix. We go home stressed, upset, and as failures.

Here are some conclusions that I think could bring our sex inner peace while grocery shopping.
1. You are a good person for trying to go out and complete a task to the best of your ability.
Not all people would be willing to leave the sofa to go get olive oil and pie crust for your mother or girlfriend.
2. The list will NEVER be 100% accurate.
It is actually created this way on purpose by loving females, who deep down, enjoy watching us shop in peril. It's imperative to comprehend this.
3. The lists contain items that have never existed in the history of grocery stores.
There are items that women will swear up and down are "right down the isle" or are "right next to the tuna fish". Understand this, they don't exist. Accept this and you have almost reached enlightenment.
4.Learn to take risks and go with your gut.
It is my belief the more risks you take and gut choices you make, the more likely you will screw it up. This could actually be beneficial because you may not be asked to go to the store anymore! You failing could possibly have an affect on how females will trust you with their shopping needs. Which ultimately means retirement from grocery shopping! It also may force or change how females construct their shopping lists. They could possibly add more detail or options (like plan B if they are out of baby carrots).

If you understand and practice these conclusions/methods, you have reached Nirvana. Knowing this can have you shopping like Buddha.

Ready...Set...Debate!

I rushed home from my job on the eve of the debates to watch Govenor Sarah Palin(a.k.a Brett Hull) and Joe Biden (a.k.a Skeletor) duke it out. These two fought back and forth, both trying to bolster support for their running mates and pushing their respective agendas. As for me, I finished watching the heavyweight fight and did three things. One, I itched my feet. I did this because I had been standing all day and the base of my heels were very irritated. Two, I made a glass of chocolate milk. This occurred because I happen to think chocolate milk is one of the most refreshing and underrated beverages of all time. Third, I tried to remember if anything that either candidate had said, actually caused me to have a rational thought. Or perhaps one of these two politicians had caused me to re-evaluate my position on an issue that I cared deeply about? I'm sure that if any of the aforementioned possibilities took place I likely would have still itched my feet, but would have thought twice about pouring my self that chocolate milk.

A "Debate" as defined by Webster's dictionary is : A discussion, as of a public question in an assembly, involving opposing viewpoints. What Webster forgets to mention is that it's imperative to support these opposing viewpoints with researched effort and supporting argument. That, for example, when you contend "Bernie Kosar is the greatest quarterback to play the game of football", You had better have some convincing arguments and facts that at least makes this case plausible. It's not appropriate to just say "just because" or "because he is from Cleveland". Just like it isn't appropriate to use contentions like "Because I'm from Scranton Pennsylvania", therefore I understand the peril of the entire American working class. Nor is it appropriate to boast of selling a private jet on Ebay as evidence of the sort of moral character I may or may not posses.

We as Americans and consumers for too long have accepted this sort of infantile behavior from our public servants. We allow politicians to " Fight Evildoers" or "Put America First" without really demanding of these servants to service us with some concrete information. It seems to me that a frightening amounts of people are satisfied with voting public servants into office without knowing whom or why they vote for them. When asked why? they respond with a slogans like "Because he/she is going to shake up Washington" or "Because he/she it going to bring about change". Are you serious? Maybe the American people as well as our politicians are feeding into a bigger system that we may not be aware of. Our television, media sources, and their content are shaping the way we gather information. It also may be polluting our political and democratic system. (This may be equivalent to throwing trash on a sidewalk in downtown Newark, NJ) Nonetheless it's still dangerous.

Here is what I'm trying to get at. It doesn't matter what your political stance is! (really!) The majority of American's have her interest at heart. Yet, when watching these debates we should all be aware that we are being fed a commodity. We are eating "dis-information". The Humanist writer Neil Postman in his Book "Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business" elaborates on this phenomenon. He states "Disinformation does not mean false information. It means misleading information-misplaced, irrelevant, fragmented or superficial information-information that creates the illusion of knowing something but in fact leads one away from knowing." This theory is based on the premise, as Postman explains, that information has been turned into a commodity throughout the new age of telegraphy and television. That information and even understanding of truth is mutated in order to make it entertaining and therefore easy to sell. That in essence we'd rather be entertained voters rather than informed voters.

The Vice-Presidential Debates were over and Postman's ideas seemed to really ring true. Even at the beginning of this story I referred to the debate as a heavyweight match. Somehow our debates have become fodder that competes with The WWE (formerly WWF). I'm not kidding, many people including me, watched this debate like we would watch a pay-per-view match between pro wrestlers Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels. What they actually were saying became secondary. The debates are set up by the television medium to be a platform for candidates to say as little as possible without making a mistake. Actually elaborating or having passion for a topic hurts chances of being understood or liked. As a candidate, if you say as little as possible without any missteps, while looking good doing it. You have most likely won the hearts of the American people.

Seeing how this election process has gone, it seems very clear that Postman was on to something. As we talk about Sarah Palin's new hair-do or her latest interview. Know this, we are all at the troff of the information buffet and the t.v networks are all Burger-king's, Macdonald's, and Taco Bell's giving us cheap unhealthy food that tastes good but in the long run will kill us. Put down the Burger America! Go to the market and cook at home. Think about what you eat and what it does to your health. Let's make an educated choice!. Let's not"run for the border" or "have it our way" this election. If we continue, Postman argues that "we are losing our sense of what it means to be well informed. Ignorance is always correctable. But what shall we do if we take ignorance to be knowledge? Well Mr. Postman, we wouldn't comprehend certain truths of this world. Feet itch, chocolate milk is inconceivably good, and Bernie Kosar is the greatest quarterback to play football. Hey! just because he's from Cleveland.

What Happened to "Boo-Berry" ?

America as we know it is in shambles. The economy is at a standstill and our leaders can't seem to put on their Velcro shoes on in the morning. So there I am in the middle of an important conversation about how I can help solve America's woes and something even greater overcomes me. A question that I'm sure thousands of Clevelander's and people who grew up in the 90s all over the nation are asking. What ever happened to "Boo Berry" cereal?

One of the things that brightened my day growing up was going to the market with my mother and cereal shopping. Walking down that long isle with the warm shimmer of cereal boxes gracing my cheek bones. Light sprung from the various titles that colored the boxes of wholesome goodness. "Golden Crisp" (a classic ) "Coco Puffs" (slightly overrated because of obvious aftertaste) "Fruit Loops" (a colorful choice) "Lucky Charms" (purchased solely for marshmallow goodness) "Trix" (this was bought because I had empathy for that rabbit). Now, there were the three cereals that all mothers saw as the bane of breakfast and health. You would shoot one look towards the direction of this cereal and your mother said "No way". "Do you want your teeth to rot?". Yes we did. For the pleasure of ingesting General Mill's "Count Chocula", "Frankenberry", and the elusive "Booberry".

Now this is interesting because "Count Chocula" is the most popular of the three because he is obviously favored in the marketing scheme. Also, Chocolate flavor seems to be more popular in America over "Berry-Like" themes or flavors. So, obviously "Frankenberry" and Boo have a disadvantage. I admit that Chocula tastes the best but feel that "BooBerry" has a charisma that is unlike any other. He is by nature sad. Look at him on the cover of the cereal box. He lacks confidence even next to a mediocre "Frakenberry". The cereal doesn't taste great either. What is supposed to be a subtle blueberry taste comes across as a brash wash of muddled flavors. Yet even with this disadvantage, the mere sight of the cereal-box always made me think twice. And the fact that "Booberry" cereal would appear and re-appear on store shelves made it an enigmatic cereal choice. A choice of someone who really kept a watchful eye on the breakfast shelves. Since I have been a kid I've shopped the long cereal isle. There are moments I see a faint blue glow beckoning me. At times I go to it.

(Interesing facts)
Researching the history of these cereals I found out that "Booberry" isn't discontinued as I once thought. Nor is the over-eager "Frankenberry" (which is an exaggerated mosh-pit of fruity flavors) . They are now scarcely marketed and used during holidays like Halloween and Christmas. I also found that "Frakenberry" was originally made in the 70s with a dye that the human body couldn't break down(no joke). So the feces of the children who ate this cereal would be bright pink. This condition was sometimes named "Franken-stool".
There are also two rogue cereals from the same General Mill's family of Chocula, Fraken, and Boo. They are called "Fruit Brute" produced from (1975-1983) and what supposed to be Brute's replacement "Yummy Mummy" produced from (1987-1993).

Here We Go Again

So, it seems to me that even when the Cleveland Indians aren't in the playoffs or even close we still are connected. I knew when Jim Thome stepped to the plate last night that he would change the game and lead the Whitesox into the playoffs. For Clevelanders this is a familiar sight of a former player of the the rock and roll city leading another team to glory. As we sit and stare at the television. Let's not be coy about this. It is a phenomenon that had occurred for years.

Take this baseball year for example. Let's observe how many former Indians are now going to the playoffs with their teams. Obviously Thome who was and may still be one of the Cities most loved players is now the grizzly vet who has used his unsuccessful playoff experiences in Cleveland to perform in the clutch last night for Chicago. Former Indian Manny Ramirez has for a number of years kicked our asses from Boston. Even last year being up 3 games to 1 we couldn't seem to break Manny's clutch over our destiny. Former Indian Coco Crisp is loving his playoff experience the last couple of years. While he had a down year last season he still wears a beautiful world series ring. And let's us not forget former Indian Casey Blake (are you serious?). Who Joe Torre says has brought the LA Dodgers together and helped make them a playoff team(is this the same guys that played for us?). ESPN's Pedro Gomez even reports that since Blake has joined the Dodgers they are 8 games over .500 and that he is solely responsible for stabilizing their lineup. Wow, that is something the Indians could have used while he was here. How could I not mention the new greatest thing since the 99cent rodeo cheeseburger, CC Sabathia. The former Indian Cy Young winner who we traded to the Brewers, like Thor, hammered his way into the hearts of Brewers fans by leading the club to the post season for the first time in what? 26 years? Sabathia's performance with Cleveland was 6-8 with a 3.83 ERA. As he left Cleveland something magical started to happen. He became the pitcher we wish we had in the 07 playoffs. For the Brewers he went 11-2 with 7 complete games and a 1.65 ERA. My prediction, LA Dodgers Versus the Boston Red Sox in the world series. Manny and his new trusted sidekick Casey Blake will evaporate the Sox and all Clevelanders can watch and enjoy their success.