How To Shop Like Buddha

We have all seen them. Whether you do your shopping at Wegmans, Shoprite, Tops, Giant Eagle, Walmart or Whole Foods. It doesn't matter the venue because they're still there. Walking like sad zombies who are lost in a labyrinth of confusion. Some resemble old war vets with one-thousand yard stares that could bore a hole in your soul. They are men. They are men trying to shop. They are men trying to shop with lists written by women.

We live in dangerous times and the sight of a man trying to navigate his way through the frozen food section paints a lame picture. They stand almost drooling, peering at one section of low fat yogurt not knowing what to do. Do they choose the low-fat blueberry? Or the berry delight with mixed peanuts? What can they do? The list doesn't specify which type of legumes should accompany the cool yogurt. You can observe them sweating and realizing that shortly following their mission, they will face certain doom at home.

I have been one of those men. So I have a deep understanding of their pain. All of us men have gone shopping for a female at least once in our lives. It could be your wife, girlfriend, mother, step-mother, aunt, or female guardian. You hear the voice during halftime of the NBA playoffs(or insert critical sporting or entertainment event here). "Honey? Can you go to the store and pick up some things for me?" Oh no! It's over right?

It is a certain truth that as a male, you will miss or forget at least one item that is either on or off the list given to you. It is just a fact. It could be yogurt or a specific brand of bacon bits that are supposed to be on sale. Men have been going to grocery stores for years and have failed miserably. Even if all the right questions about the list are asked before the journey, we are somehow forced to play jazz and improvise at least once or twice on critical "list items". We go home knowing we didn't get the right dog food, or gravy mix. We go home stressed, upset, and as failures.

Here are some conclusions that I think could bring our sex inner peace while grocery shopping.
1. You are a good person for trying to go out and complete a task to the best of your ability.
Not all people would be willing to leave the sofa to go get olive oil and pie crust for your mother or girlfriend.
2. The list will NEVER be 100% accurate.
It is actually created this way on purpose by loving females, who deep down, enjoy watching us shop in peril. It's imperative to comprehend this.
3. The lists contain items that have never existed in the history of grocery stores.
There are items that women will swear up and down are "right down the isle" or are "right next to the tuna fish". Understand this, they don't exist. Accept this and you have almost reached enlightenment.
4.Learn to take risks and go with your gut.
It is my belief the more risks you take and gut choices you make, the more likely you will screw it up. This could actually be beneficial because you may not be asked to go to the store anymore! You failing could possibly have an affect on how females will trust you with their shopping needs. Which ultimately means retirement from grocery shopping! It also may force or change how females construct their shopping lists. They could possibly add more detail or options (like plan B if they are out of baby carrots).

If you understand and practice these conclusions/methods, you have reached Nirvana. Knowing this can have you shopping like Buddha.